I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
