one two three fourrrrnication!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
