Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
