i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
