is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
