I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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