I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
