When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
