Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
