Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
