This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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