i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
