No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
