It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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