That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
