I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
