i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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