You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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