You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
