My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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