Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
