Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
