Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
