Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
