Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
