I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
