Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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