Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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