Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
