He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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