OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
