real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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