I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
