Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
