it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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