take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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