the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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