hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
