FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
