I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
