I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
