tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
