Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
