i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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