i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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