I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Less talking, more tequila
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
