Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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