2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
