At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
