2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
